


All We Do Is Feel The Fade

by TwiExMachina



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 21:16:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5759116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwiExMachina/pseuds/TwiExMachina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bertolt's anxiety keeps him from sleeping.  Obviously, the only solution is cuddling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All We Do Is Feel The Fade

**Author's Note:**

> My friend me got back into Attack on Titan after five months of not keeping up with the manga and it turns out that I'm still emotionally compromised by Titan babies.
> 
> Title from All We Do by Oh Wonder

They said that Bertolt's sleeping position could predict the weather. Bertolt wasn't sure how that worked. Did the position of his left foot decide the cloud cover? His right foot decided rain? Maybe it was a joke about how unpredictable he was. Or about how tall he was a how his head was in the clouds. Or how the only conversation he could hold with others would be something mundane like the weather. Or maybe it wasn't connected to him at all and was just a joke. Haha, how hilarious.

"You'll never go to sleep if you're thinking too hard," Reiner said from his spot on the wall. He was sitting up now, watching Bertolt pace. 

"Don't think I'd sleep at all," Bertolt muttered, rubbing his arms to smooth out the nervousness that pricked goosebumps onto his skin.

"What's bothering you?" Reiner groaned as he stood up and walked over to Bertolt. He reached out and touched his elbow with his fingertips. When Bertolt didn't pull away, he flattened his palm around his elbow and rubbed his skin with his thumb. It felt warm and he relaxed.

Bertolt looked over at Reiner. "Do you remember how many times I fell out of my bed during training?"

Reiner laughed. "Man, I stopped keeping track when we were kids."

"Yeah."

"Why's that a problem?"

Out of anyone else, that question would've spiked his anxiety. But Reiner knew him, his hands were warm and his voice soft and he always helped (except for the times when he hurts but that's a fake projection, not actually him). "It's stupid, but I'm afraid I'll fall." Would that even kill him? The shame would. There’s a lot more anxiety too underneath his words that he hoped that Reiner could understand because Bertolt didn’t know if he could ever voice it. (I’m afraid I’ll mess up. I’m afraid to kill our friends again. I’m afraid I’ll be eaten. I’m afraid you’ll be eaten. I just want to be free so why do I feel sick?)

Reiner didn’t judge him at all, just squeezed. "Hey, get your bag. Lie down next to me."

Bertolt gathered up his roll of fabric and tossed it in a clump next to Reiner's. Bertolt straightened out the roll while Reiner laid back down. He pulled at the corners and his hands didn't feel like his, heavy with joints that felt stiff and rubbery at the same time, uncoordinated. Reiner placed his palm against the small of his back and Bertolt relaxed into that warmth.

Bertolt laid down on his side and Reiner wrapped his arm around his waist. They were too oddly shaped to fit together nicely, him too broad and Bertolt too tall and gangly, but Bertolt liked them. They were warm, and he felt safe with Reiner's arms around his waist and his breath tickling the back of his neck.

"You can't fall like this. I'll make sure you can't even move like this. Look, you don't even have to think. We're here and you're safe like this. Just the two of us and the sky. Nothing else that matters is here."

"We should've done this before. In training."

"They would've teased the both of us."

Bertolt pushed his legs back and tangled them in Reiner's. He wondered if he was coordinated enough to hook their ankles together. He didn't need it to stay still, he just wanted to be further attached to Reiner. "Don't think I'd've minded."

Reiner rubbed Bertolt's stomach and kissed the back of his neck. "Don't think I would've either."

As long as Reiner's warmth was at his back, he could've handled the teasing (and probably some congratulations, knowing them). Reiner was always comforting, always knew what to say, what to do. He handled him so perfectly and Bertolt felt like he was worth something.

"Bet Annie would've been jealous though."

His warmth was now burning Bertolt. He was too hot and it was making him sick. "Reiner, that's not right."

"There's nothing wrong with making someone jealous."

"Reiner th-that's..."

"It'd make her notice you "

"Reiner, that's not real."

Reiner was silent, pressed against him, burning him.

"Yo-you're not remembering right...you've got it wrong. Annie, she's always known about us. That we're...that we're _us_. You...you remember that right?" He folded his hands over Reiner's, running his thumbs over his knuckles, pressing into them. "We've...We've always been this. I...I care about Annie, but that's not the same as us." He pushed Reiner's hands off of his stomach and held his hands. Reiner linked their fingers together. "I love you. You're everything I love. You're... _Reiner_." Bertolt brought their hands up to his lips and kissed over each knuckle, ran his nose down the tendons and just breathed on him, struggled to keep his breath even.

Reiner let out a hot breath. "I remember, Bert." He kissed along his hairline before burying his nose into his neck and pulling him against him, trembling like he was the one who needed comforting. Bertolt could’ve laughed.

Bertolt wasn't made for this. He could barely take care of himself and now he was expected to shoulder Reiner's fragmented reality? He couldn't handle that. He didn't know what to say. Reiner wasn't made better by his words and he was still hurting and was that his fault for never knowing what to do. Reiner was clinging to him and would need Bertolt's presence getting to sleep tonight. Bertolt felt cold and his stomach was weighed down with rocks.

He loved Reiner. But, damn, he hated him like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Wait, it's supposed to be angst and then cuddles, whoops.
> 
> My tumblr is TwiExMachina if you're interested.


End file.
